Toasters

   
If IBM made toasters...  
  They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be  
  submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide  
  market for five, maybe six toasters.
  
If Microsoft made toasters...  
  Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a  
  toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have  
  to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence  
  requiring a reinforced steel counter top), draw enough electricity to  
  power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would  
  claim to be the first toaster that let's you control how light or  
  dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your  
  other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate  
  Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the  
  good bread only works with their toasters.
  
If Apple made toasters...  
  It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years  
  earlier.
  
If Fisher Price made toasters...  
  "Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to  
  toast the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box.
  
If The Rand Corporation made toasters...  
  It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube. Every  
  morning there would be a piece of toast on top of it. Their service  
  department would have an unlisted phone number, and the blueprints  
  for the box would be highly classified government documents. The  
  X-Files would have an episode about it.
  
If the NSA made toasters...  
  Your toaster would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could  
  access in case they needed to get at your toast for reasons of  
  national security.
  
Does DEC still make toasters?...  
  They made good toasters in the '70s, didn't they?
  
If Hewlett-Packard made toasters...  
  They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast  
  and gives you regular bread.
  
If Sony made toasters...  
  Their Personal Toasting Device, which would be barely larger than  
  the single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently  
  attached to your belt.
  
If the Franklin Mint made toasters...  
  Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted piece of  
  your authentic hand-crafted Civil War pewter toaster.
  
If Cray made toasters...  
  They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other  
  single-slice toaster in the world.
  
If Thinking Machines made toasters...  
  You would be able to toast 64,000 thousand pieces of bread at the  
  same time.
  
If Timex made toasters...  
  They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal wrist toasters that  
  take a licking and keep on toasting.
  
If Radio Shack made toasters...  
  The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about  
  it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.
  
If K-Tel sold toasters...  
  They would not be available in stores, and you would get a free set  
  of Ginsu knives.
  
If University of Waterloo made toasters...  
  They would immediately spin-off a company called WatToast.
  
If the PQ made toasters...  
  They wouldn't want to be on the same counter-top as the rest of the  
  appliances.